I need to just let it all out. Dont nobody say anything about it either. FUCK. Dont call me selfish, dont tell me im not the only one, dont fucken tell me shit. Fuck. I do everything for this fucken family. I fucken hate it. I sit here basically waiting for them to ask me to do something. They dont talk to me AT ALL, besides fucken telling me what to fucken do. I try so fucken hard in the things they ask for too. I try so fucken hard in school. Im gettin through with fucken A's and B's and they swear like I'm doing SO BAD. What the fuck is a damn car? Even when I fucken tell them Im going to pay them back. MONTHLY. fuck. OMG.... This stresses me out so much. One thing I find and its pretty fucken affordable for their rich asses, and they can't even help me out. Im not even sayin they need to BUY it for me. Just fucken LOAN me the money. FUCK. I would fucken pay them back EVERY DAMN PENNY. AHHHHHHH I hate this shit. When I want something SO BAD, I mean FUCK. adjfv a;lshfdsah;ldsajglsajf I hate it. I hate it, plus seeing/hearing of heads fuckne talk all this "i get bored with this car so I get a new one every few months" The fuck is that shit. og;lajglkajsdfljasd;lfjasl;dfj OMG. While Im sitting here struggling with my life to get a fucken car. FUCK. That fucken car in the driveway is not my shit. FUCK. Im so fucken pissed. I can't stand this shit. I JUST WANT THEM TO FUCKEN HELP ME OUT. Is it so much to ask? FUUUCCKKKKK. shit. Just kill me. '

I hate watching tears fall from my face... trying so hard to hold them back because its not worth the tears... because its not worth the stress... because its not worth it... but its so difficult to keep a happy state of mind when you're constantly brought down by the people around you... even yourself. On top of everyone else stressing me to do this.. to do that... Im my own worst critic, nothing is ever good enough for myself. Do I have to fucken build my own car and shit? Fuck. Its all I ever ask for... besides the fucken rides... they dont give me money no more... Im holdin down a job and going to school like a mother fucker.. they lucky Im going to school for ME cause i'd be out.. like NOW. fuck the this fucken bullshit. i fucken want to die living in this place.. i do everything for everybody and everything and nobody can give me a fucken break. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. If you aint gonna help me and you just want to fucken give me drama and bullshit GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.

Hmmm.. Not much activity in here since the last thing that just happened.. But im not gonna let that end what we started.. Well yeah school has been a little hecktic for me being a senior and all.. Trying to get all my shit in so i can graduate.. Today was the last day of night school for god sake and im so excited i got an "A".. Now i gotta worry about my other classes and the finals but im hoping they will go pretty smoothly..

Sighs.. Its been more than 3 weeks since the last time ive seen my beautiful babygirl and im missing her like crazy.. Hmm damn the last time i remember seeing her was at her house.. I miss her so much no one would understand.. Its just crazy but im hanging in there..

The whole situation at hand is that my girl is in a little thing right now.. So im basically just here waiting.. Its sucks that the one you want and love is right in front of you but you cant do anything about it.. Thats my life right now.. I just want to let Nikki know that im here and im waiting for her whenever shes ready.. I love and miss you baby..

Thats about it for me.. stay up everyone.. Peace.. -sOul